Tag Archives: Jesus

Some Stuff.

24 Apr

Here’s, a fast update on my Costco/Kroger budget attemtps. You may remember my goal was $200 monthly at Costco, and $50 weekly at Kroger. Well the Costco trips have been more like $278, and the Kroger has been more like $64 (in one recent case it was $96, but we’ll blame that on needing cat litter and dog food). Whenever my grocery bill is more than I expected I always attribute it to a pet cost. It’s easy to blame the animals – they have no idea what’s going on.

"Huhh??"

“Kiwi food for pay dollar money? Huhh???”

 

I would post a picture of my cat, but she won’t sign the photo release. I’m also not allowed to look her directly in the eye, so that makes things difficult too.

So, I’m attempting to learn about essential oils to combat my anxiety issues, which is in turn, causing me more anxiety. The whole thing reminds me heavily of when I first started looking into cloth diapers. Oh, so many words. Article upon article, each with a dozen links to more articles. How far into the future do we have to get before that smell-o-vision technology is available? It would be really helpful if I could experience these oils while I’m feeling overwhelmed at learning about them. That would be the true test. When I speak to people about essential oils, I find this: one-third swear by them for any and all ailments, another third think they’re basically scented water placebos, and everyone else just shrugs. Up until very recently, I was a shrugger. However I’m at a point with my OCD/Anxiety where I have to do something new, and I have absolutely no interest in anti-anxiety medication. The whole train wreck is loads better right now than it’s been in months (since the Moh’s surgery), but I know that’s because I’ve recently had an assortment of medical testing done, producing a temporary peace of mind that my body is functioning as it should. That will go away eventually and I’ll be back to scrutinizing both sides of my rib cage in the mirror for 20 minutes, obsessing over why they’re not perfectly symmetrical. Confession: that has already happened. So maybe oils will help. Plus, yes – I am going to make an appointment to talk to someone who doesn’t already love me, to get some objective counseling. You guessed it…that makes me anxious too.

You may wonder why someone who knows and loves Jesus, from whom all peace and joy flows, would suffer from anxiety and worry. I don’t know. I will say I’m usually safe during times of centered prayer, or when I’m immersed in the culture of my amazing church, or when I’m deep in conversation with treasured friends, or during peaceful moments at home with my family. My anxiety ultimately creeps in when I least expect it and jumps on me, like some crappy snake. I never know when it’s going to be there until it’s there.

I believe God has given me access to tools to combat this. Maybe the tools are essential oils, maybe it’s a counselor, maybe it’s something else I haven’t discovered yet. Either way, He’s with me, I can feel it as clearly as I can feel the clothes I’m wearing.

 

anxiety

Ha!

 

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