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Colic and Weeds

8 Nov

Really? It’s November and I’m still dealing with these weed beasts? Go dormant already, lawn!!




They’re so unsightly.

The real beating is that I promised myself I wouldn’t let it get this bad again.

After Juliette was born last year we accidentally kind of “neglected the grounds” for some time. That’s a fancy way of saying we didn’t mow or pay any attention whatsoever to our lawn for like 6 months. We were about a week away from some Little Shop of Horrors action. Lucky for us we don’t live in a homeowners association, or we certainly would’ve gotten fined. I’m thankful our nice neighbors never said anything to our faces. Maybe they saw how we were just barely able to function each day with a colicky newborn who never stopped screaming.

What? You wanna know more about the screaming?

Seriously, the child did three things. She nursed, she cried, and occasionally she would sleep. There was never any of that laying peacefully staring into a mirror, slightly amused by her own face. There was never any “look, she just smiled! Do you think it was just from gas?”. No, with us it was “Ok, she’s been screaming for 5 hours straight, do you think her internal organs might be melting?”

The most maddening thing was not so much that she demanded to be held 24/7. It was that according to the law of baby Juliette, you had to be standing. If we did manage to get her to fall asleep while holding and swaying her, and then dared to ever so gently sit down, she would jerk awake and resume the scream siren. Only this time she’d be angrier.

What’s the difference!?!?” We would cry. “How do you even know!!??” Apparently the child has an altimeter built in.

We were so exhausted, every day.

And yes, we tried every kind of “colic” medicine and remedy we could find. We brought her to the doctor many times during her first 3 months of life, begging them to help us make it stop. They tossed around the possibility of acid reflux, and we had a few prescriptions for that, but nothing really helped. She just kind of grew out of it slowly around 3 or 4 months old.  If you happen to be going through this now, hang in there. It will get better.

side note – Our son was the best baby. He rarely cried and started sleeping through the night in his own room at 8 weeks. Maybe we got a little arrogant about our ability to handle a small child and God decided to have a little fun with this next one.

So anyway, once things calmed down on the baby front, I spent a whole weekend “weeding” — though a more appropriate term might be “murdering”. Some of these behemoths were almost as tall as I am, and when I pulled on the first one I fully expected it to reveal its hidden eyes and mouth and yell “BACK OFF, HUMAN! Each time I uprooted one of them with my shovel, I thought for sure I could hear some kind of curse in the wind.

Anyway like I said, once the lawn was cleared I promised myself I’d never let it get that bad again – and it really hasn’t, yet. But it has been some time since either of us have gotten out there with the garden gloves. It’s partly because we’re waiting for winter to come and take our landscaping duties away.

So yeah, it’s bad again. I did pull a bunch, but then I went to mow and the lawnmower was out of gas so I gave up and went inside. The end.


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