Let’s Eat…again.

8 Sep

So we know each other well enough now that I can come clean, right? Can this be a safe place? I’m going to tell you my most guarded secret – my biggest weakness – and trust that you won’t judge me or point and laugh. Or go ahead, just don’t tell me you did.

Ok, here goes.

I am a cereal junkie.

Not just any cereal…

yes please.

Ya know how people say they could eat whatever their favorite food is for every meal for the rest of their lives and never get tired of it? Steak, Mac & Cheese, chili dogs (which makes me think of that Growing Pains episode where Mike compares Carol marrying her boyfriend to her eating chili dogs every day for the rest of her life. If only I could have retained Social Statistics as efficiently as dialogue from 90’s TV shows – maybe I wouldn’t have gotten a D and had to retake it). Anyway you see where I’m going with this. I actually could (and have) eaten HBO for more than one meal in the same day. I realize how bad this looks for someone who professes to be “obsessed” with “clean eating”. I’ve not taken any good hard looks at the ingredients on the box, have barely glanced at the nutritional information beyond the calorie count, and have avoided scanning the barcode into my Fooducate app. After finding out my favorite hamburger buns are made with trace amounts of human hair (barf) and having to get rid of them, I’m officially sticking my head in the sand on my cereal.

My husband and I have each eaten a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats every morning since shortly after we got married, with the exception of the occasional weekend breakfast specialty item.

What are my specialty items, you ask? A quick rundown of some of the latest:

Waffles & Fried Chicken – Tasty, but just a tad more filling than a cinder block.

Cream Cheese & Banana Roll-Ups – Delicious, but 500 calories for one. Full disclosure, I ate 2 and a half of these last Sunday. (shout out to my Little Mermaid plate!)

Copycat Egg McMuffins – Pretty good, but the Canadian bacon was kinda tough and my toaster broke that morning, preventing me from toasting the English muffin.

I don’t know why I try to be fancy. As I’m elbow deep in dishwashing liquid and greasy pots and pans at 10AM on a Saturday, I always think how much easier and tastier it would’ve been to just have a bowl of HBO.

HBO never disappoints. I’ve never finished a bowl without sitting back and thinking “Son of a bee sting, that was delicious.” You want your mind totally blown? Have it with almond milk. Coffee is the perfect compliment. I know coffee is the perfect compliment to most things, but it’s more than that with HBO. They’re the perfect pair. I’ve thought many times about what it would be like to just pour my coffee directly into the cereal instead of milk. I’ve never done it because I don’t want to ruin my HBO if it turns out to be gross.

Occasionally on Sundays, if we’ve had a big lunch that day, we’ll have HBO for dinner. On days when I haven’t made a specialty breakfast item that morning, this will result in 2 bowls of HBO in one day. If you ever see me and I seem in a particularly good mood, it’s because I’ve just had my second bowl of HBO that day.

Every few days, as a box starts to run out, it becomes a race between the two of us to see who can score the last bit of cereal in the box. We call these “dreg bowls” and they are a mega super delicious bonus. ( I know it’s an awful name since I think the word “dregs” is supposed to refer to something gross that has collected at the bottom of a liquid, but whatever, the name stuck.) Dreg bowls are so tasty because in any given box of HBO, gravity has inevitably pulled most of the sweet granola bunches down to the bottom. As a result, the last bit of cereal is full of them. A dreg bowl is mind altering and will change your outlook on life for the better. Conversely, the first bowl from a new box will have the least number of bunches. It’s still delicious, but there is a noticeable drop in honey bunches.

Idea: Purchase a large receptacle of some sort and dump the HBO directly in. Gently rotate to evenly mix. Maybe one of those huge glass balls with the crank like they use for bingo balls.

Anyway, it feels good to get all this off my chest. I highly encourage you to pick up a box of HBO next time you’re in the cereal aisle. But not all at once, I’m gonna need 2 boxes on Monday. And please, for the love of Lucy, if you find out there’s something gross in my HBO, don’t tell me!!

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