Archive | August, 2009

Worst showing ever.

27 Aug

So we don’t really get all that excited these days when we have a showing on our house, because we’ve had so many that amounted to nothing. But it’s true that we might get a little excited and say a small prayer whenever someone comes to look…because you never know who will be the ones to bite. Well I’ll tell you who it WON’T be. The people who came today between 2:00 and 3:30pm.

Rewind with me to this morning. I am getting Wilson and myself ready for work, and staging the house at the same time. As I’m tidying the guest bathroom, closing the shower curtain to hide Wil’s bath toys, straightening the hand towels, and putting the hand soap under the sink (because hand soap is offensive to prospective buyers, did you know that?). I notice while I’m in there that the diaper pail kind of stinks. This totally freaks me out, because I pretty much am always afraid that my house smells like a port-a-potty because of the dirty cloth diapers. The fact that I don’t smell them often is no comfort, because I’m convinced that I must have gotten used to the smell and therefore don’t notice it anymore. So me smelling them right then is a huge red flag that they must really stink. I open the lid…sure enough, jam packed. What was I supposed to do? I definitely didn’t have time to wash them, I had to leave for work!

ps-I know what you’re thinking, because it occured to me later, so clearly. I should have just dumped them in the washer, turned it on rinse, and left. My brain likes to punk me by throwing up blockers to good ideas, then lifting the block once it’s too late to do anything about it. My brain was on a roll this morning. It also made me prepare my iced coffee, leave without it, and remember about it halfway to work.

ANYWAY– I just left, and prayed the potential buyers wouldn’t linger too long in the guest bath. Fast forward to later in the afternoon, and we get home, walk in the door, and it’s the first thing I see: Olive has given oral birth to a huge and disgusting hairball right there in the dining room, below the glossy stack of flyers boasting our  “Beautiful Move-In Ready Home” on our table. My stomach drops, because I just know it was there long before the showing, and there’s no chance they didn’t see it. I figure it played out something like this: The lady buyer (who is most likely newly pregnant, and has a heightened sense of smell) got so disgusted at seeing the hairball that she ran into the guest bathroom because she felt sick. She is struck by an overwhelming stench of human waste, where she is made even sicker. She cries out to her husband, “Get me out of here!!” Husband, wife, and realtor all run away as fast as they can, never to return.

Sound plausable? Take a look at a screen shot of the feedback from that showing, and tell me what you think…

I’m mortified. I am so glad the feedback mentions nothing about the smell of diapers. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I’m going to try to pretend this showing never happened. We got the cat some anti-hairball medication, in case you were wondering. The end.

Is there a sonographer in the house?

18 Aug

So we all remember Cabbage Patch Kids. The Tickle Me Elmo of the 1980’s. I’m pretty sure one or both of my parents fought the mad mall rush and laid down an inflated fee to get me my dear Elsa Louise for my 7th birthday. I raised my right hand and took my adoptive mother oath very seriously, and diligently took special care of her until I lost interest.

Anyway, I’ve been looking into getting a Cabbage Patch baby for Wilson. Remember when I blogged about that customer at work giving me the dirty look for saying I’d love Wil even if he was gay? Well this was the subject that led to my comment, that led to the look. So as you can see, it’s a pretty important subject. I want to get him a boy doll, and those seem to be kind of rare. I found something called the “Newborn Baby Surprise”. Observe:

01212-Cabbage-Patch-Kids-Surprise-New-Born

You have to wait until you get home and take off the green stuff to see if you got a girl or a boy. I’m not sure that was their best marketing plan though, because (being a former and sometimes current little girl myself) I’m thinking most little girls are going to want a girl baby, and will promptly pitch a fit if they unwrap a bald boy doll.

I’ve studied the doll in the packaging very carefully, and it looks like the girl dolls have a tuft of hair that you can see under the bonnet. I would imagine the boy dolls have a smooth bonnet since they’re bald. The problem is, out of the 3 stores I’ve been to, all the dolls clearly have something under the bonnet. The Hair. So maybe the CB people are marketing wizards after all. They made 99% girls and 1% boys.  Just my luck!

So if anyone reading this happens to be wandering through the dollie section at Target or Walmart or Babies r Us or whatever (as many of you do in your spare time for fun), look for a Newborn Surprise doll and take a look at the bonnet. Now I’m just curious…

Things

11 Aug

Ugh, where do the days go! I feel like I am perpetually getting into bed and getting out of bed…the in between is a blur most days! Man, that sounded way more depressing than I wanted it to. I guess it’s just that way when you get into a routine. Maybe that’s why I tend not to stay in routines.  The other day my nano shuffled “Killer Queen” to me and when it got to the part where it goes “to avoid complications, she never kept the same address”, I started thinking about how I’ve moved residences every couple of years since 1998. Well complications or no,  I’m looking forward to staying at one address for a while after this next move (it’s always just ONE more move…)

Anyways, despite the fact that I have not been blogging, I have been logging things away in my brain for blogging at a later date. Here are some of the things that have happened to me recently:

– A customer at my work gave me a dirty look when she overheard me say I would still love my son if he turned out to be gay.  News flash, apparently unconditional love is out this season.

– I was terrorized by 4 crickets at once when they cornered me, once again at work. I was opening the store alone, just me and Wil, and they all hopped in at once and proceeded to chirp their legs from all around me. Crickets are nice when you’re out on the porch with some lemonade, but in close indoor quarters they remind me of noisy little roaches. Of course, Wil wanted to pick them up and eat them. I sucked them all up with the vacuum.

-Sesame Street is back in my life, and I couldn’t be happier. All my old friends are still there, they’ve been waiting for me! Big Bird, oh Big Bird, why did we stop talking?? I’ve missed you so much. And Grover!! And Bob, Maria, Luis, Gordon, Susan!! You’re all older but you’re still here. Sesame Street with Wil is my favorite part of each day.

Til next time, xo

Jane Started It!

Classic characters with a contemporary twist

mommywiferunner

my quest to establish the new "me"

Daily Crave

Daily Crave By Chef Natalie Lewis

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

Simon C. Holland

some things are awesome, some not so much.